11 Unndilar 835

Days, nay weeks, maybe more than a month it has been since I wrote anything down. It must have been a mix of missing Sigurd and all the new impressions I have had. Right now we are on a different kontinet. A kontinet is like a really big island, but then even bigger. So we were on one, but apparently there are more. Next thing you know people start telling you that the stars are actually all suns as well. Hahahaha. Can you imagine that?! Anyway. New kontinet, new cities, new people, new food, drinks, smells and a new language. Well I tell ya. That is complicating. Khajit is the only one who speaks the language here. I mean, I can understand it with some magical help, but speaking is still difficult. Which is really annoying, because it makes it really hard to ask anyone where they’ve bought their amazing robe or boots. Let alone figure out what the yummiest food is. Though I have found a great solution for that. I’m trying it all. Anyway….I’m losing track of my story here. New things. Though for Khajit it’s not so new. He comes from the city we are now in. But! There is a guy who lives here who tried to kill Khajit and left him for dead. What a horrible person. Sigurd would have a word or two to say about something like that. Like; If you try to kill someone, make sure they’re dead. Or; If someone tries to kill you, make sure they end up dead. Something like that. So this guy that hurt Khajit is now some Lord of the ekstjekker. Whatever. Fancy title, fancy house, big bodyguards. Not going to save you from an ass kicking, and though Sigurd is not with us to do the kicking. I have noticed that Drok does some phenomenal kicking as well. So I’m sure that will work out just fine.

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!
Turns out Lords of the somesuch are part of the groups of people that write the books of rules, or whatcha me call it again, laws. So after some fine ass kicking it meant we had to leave in a hurry. I hardly sampled any food yet. Very disappointing. Then again, Khajit has arranged some really strange horses for us to ride. Camels they are called. The ship of the desert. Well, they don’t have sails, but they sway from side to side like a ship. That’s for sure. So this journey is going to be fun!
Luckily, Khajit and Rubble did a lot of research in the book place, li-brar-y, they called it. Lots of books. More books than in all of Shittycreekrun. Since they read all them books, they must know where we’re going. Which is great for me because there’s a lot of desert here I haven’t seen yet. Sandy desert, rocky desert, sandy and rocky or even salt desert. It’s crazy, I know, but I licked the ground and it was really salt.
On the way to the next town we met a really exciting, flying, blueish being. Khajit sold him something that Rubble made. We arrived in the town two days later. Really great food here. I hope we’ll stay for a while…guess what. We had to run again. First a fight in the night at some empty warehouse. I don’t even remember how it started, but these people were looking for this dragon as well. So I expected they would be joining us on our journey. We go to meet them and within five minutes it turns into a fight. What a mess. Then it turns out the rule writing bastard that tried to kill Khajit also wrote the rulebook for this town. Which got us into trouble when the innkeeper heard Drok mention how mean it was, of the bodyguards that we let live, to give our description to the guard. That was after the fight with the Djinn in which the inn got kind of smashed. The Djinn is the blue creature from the desert. He attacked us because he was not happy with his purchase. I really need to learn this language and help Khajit not to get into these misunderstandings. Sigurd should have explained more to him about trading.

Now we are skipping most towns. Pity. But at some point we met this guy called Amir. He tells us lots of stuff about the Dragon and her cult and other things that I already forgot. He shows us the way to an oasis. It has a beautiful lake. We all jump in. Drok throws Amir in. Because Amir really needed a bath.

This Amir guy is a great help. We got to the first big swamp. At first I thought it was great, because it looked so green. But now I know I really fucking hate swamps. So many bugs that are trying to eat you! From this swamp we go to the next one. Which is an even shittier swamp. More bugs. Deeper water. And endless mud. On top of it all, Khajit scouts a bunch of bastards who seem to lie in ambush for us. Scum they are. Ambushing us when my mood is like this from trudging through mud and water for two days. Now we have to go around them and ambush them. Bastards. Also, no more diary in the swamp. The ink wont dry properly and the two pages with my new recipes ruined because of the humidity.

So we ambushed the ambushers and just as soon as we were having a good conversation with their boss some invisible Asshole skewers his throat and stabs me as well. Impressive. But what a bastard. That really hurt. As were busy whooping the asshole’s ass. Another invisible bastard attacks us. WTF. The guy that got stabbed in the throat just now wasn’t kidding when he said his cult was after us. Everyone was pretty pissed off, so before the Vikings even got a chance to get off their asses these two guys were already dead. No one to question. Luckily, one of them had a diary full of useful information in it. Come to think of it, maybe I should come up with a secret language to write in mine. Imagine the useful knowledge an enemy might glean from my diary where they to steal it! We learn lots of things about the cult and how they want to kill us. US?!? We’re super nice people. Rubble is always fixing people’s things. Drok sometimes breaks people’s things, but only when he is drunk. Mostly. He always apologises though, but sometimes he breaks a nose. Or two. For which he also apologises. Khajit purrs like a kitten when you stroke his back, I mean, what’s not to like about that?!? And I’m always super nice to everyone we meet. I properly introduce myself with a smile, like my mother taught me. That dragon must be pretty mean if it tells all these cult people to hate and kill us. There is also stuff about some Bossman wizard in the diary. I say we go to him to kick his ass. And face. And after that talk to him. Maybe.

On the way to the town where we hope to find the wizard there was a signboard at a junction. And it had us on it. Some drawings and a description of us, the Vikings, everyone. And it said there was a reward for us for the killing of the Lord Ex-cheq-uer (apparently it is written like this).
Which means we have to be extremely careful when we go into any town from now on. Bummer. Like this I’ll never be able to write my book about the food of this kontinet. Good thing I can change my appearance.
At least I have everyone convinced to go find this wizard. I still want to kick his fat wizard ass, but it will also a great opportunity to try the local food.