Rob Hammertoed
Halfling Bishop of the Church of Infinite Tithes
Apollo got only two stars of recommendation on the wall of the Shahrokh Security Services offices in Settleden, placed there by a pair of displeased patrons: a halfling Bishop of the Church of Infinite Tithes, Rob Hammertoed, and his partner in funding the contract, Sherriff Slayton Piranha—chief law enforcement officer of the Frodere Fields Farming Fraternity.
Hammertoed and Piranha complained to the proprietor of the Security Services, Rabindranath Shahrokh, that Apollo had been hired to investigate a shadowy organization that was (allegedly) smuggling quickwood from the Frodere forest to the Undercity. Apollo found a cult of Kuo-Toa who were (actually) smuggling quickwood down the Ricemarsh streams to an underwater entrance Apollo uncovered, below Tinytown, where the quickwood was brought to the shrine of Bloobledoop, Goddess of Sufficiently Finite Tithes, and turned into animated pews for their raucous worship ceremonies. When Hammertoed and Piranha asked for a report, Apollo delivered half-truths and incomplete information—which allowed the Kuo-Toa to go on operating for another 4 months, unimpeded. In that time, donations at the Church of Infinite Tithes plummeted to a 26-year low. And Sherriff Piranha fought the toughest re-election battle of his 18 years in office.
Rabindranath, in stories retelling the events, told the Bishop and the Sherriff that, “If the adventurer takes anyaffirmative action toward fulfilling the contract, you may not rate the service less than two stars. One star is reserved for welchers and absconders. Which Apollo clearly is not. So take your stars, and fuck all the way off.” Reportedly, Rabinadranath’s list of adventurers-for-hire increased twofold in the months following